What’s wrong with me?!?!

I know its been not just a little while, but a really long time since my last post!

Untill now things have gone smoothly… And now…. I have just been on my 4 week vacation, just been at home.. Anyways, before My vacation i Was sick. Feeling like my entire body is gel! And my head…. My head feels like a “bobblehead” and now as im starting again after My break, i feel like that again? Dont know why? I’ve been to the hospital this morning to have My blood testet, but what if it doesn’t show anything and its All just in My head? That it’s my head that’s making me feel like a giant gel-blob? 

Does anyone else ever feel like that? Or simular? Id love to know? Im sad and frustrated about it cause its keeping me home from work and i actually really like My job!?

Well… Hope to get some answers 

Xoxo 

Vics 💋

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Emotional mess

So i just got home from picking up the last few things from my exes place… Phew!
He wrote earlier when i wanted to come and get my things including my summer tires, so i chose to do it sooner rather than later!

I have to admit that my heart skipped a beat when i saw his massage. Dont get me wrong there’s no hard feelings and we are still on speaking terms, but still… My heart rate raised!

Wrote to my friend, lets call him ‘P’ which is also an ex of mine, but we are strickly friends today. Well wrote to him about my situation as he has always been a huge support in my anxiety battles eventhough we aren’t together. But he just has a way of making me feel safe and calming me down, even without doing anything but just being there….

He offered to go with me, which i was a bit hesitant with at first, but i could sense that I needed he calm way of being in this situation. Actually he is the one i turn too whenever i feel sad, Stress or anxious!?
And I have to admit i really do miss that feeling of being with him… I never felt uncertain, he always made me feel safe! He has truly been my rock!
When he came, i just got that feeling that… Wow.. I wish we could get back together?

Then we arrived and my exes to get my things and getting my tires changed – he offered to do it. When i saw him… I miss him! And I do still care for him, if not love him… We were only together for a short period of time, and split do to personal reasons for both of us.

Honestly, if ‘P’ haven’t been there with me, i would have broke! My mouth dried up and I could feel the tears pushing to get out, and they would if a have been on my own!

Now I know and dont want to be in a relationship right now. Im not strong enough in myself jet! I still need just to be me and only take care of and focus myself. But you cant just turn of your emotions like that! Especially since i am an extremely sensitive person overall. I need a button a ‘romantic emotional’ turn off button!!!

Well… I will now close my eyes and hope for amazing Dreams and a happier tomorrow!

Sweet Dreams to you all ❤
Vics 💋

Who pressed fast forward!?

It’s been quite a while since my last post it’s not because I don’t have anything to write about… In fact I have a lot I want to share and tell how my days have been and so on… But my days just go by so fast right now? And actually for the first time in a looooong time I actually feel like i’m able to keep up and not constantly running behind and feel like im drowning! You know what?! It’s a really great feeling!

I know this blog is short, but i just got home from work and i’m seriously tired, not only mentally but physically too…

Hope you all are feeling great too, and keep thinking positive thoughts! Things WILL change no matter how bad they may seem.

Xoxo
Vics 💋

In a haze

I don’t really know why but I feel like i’m in a bit of a haze today and I don’t have a reason for it…

My day started with me having to get up way earlier than I normally should. My mom needed my to go with her to get a gastrocopy procedure and this was at 8am and couldn’t get out of bed till 10 minutes before we had to go. All went well and she was fine, but the rest of my day have just been weird?
I’ve been extremely tired, feeling weird like my mind is surounded by this fog and not only that I’m feeling quite restless too?

I have spent my day browsing on ebay and various other sites to try to distract myself, but it haven’t helped at all!

It’s now 7.40pm, i’m laying in bed writing this and on top of it all I’m feeling nacious too… It’s not because i’m feeling sorry for myself, well.. Maybe a little bit since the weather have been AMAZING today, so it sucks!

Spending the rest of my evening in bed in front of the tv, maybe look around for some appartement things to give me inspiration for when i get my own place, cause honestly… I wish i had my own place already!

Hope you all have had a better Monday than me!

Xoxo
Vics 💋

Another dream of mine

Soo I had another dream last night… This one wasn’t as pleasent as the other! It was weird, but I have had that dream once before?

It started with me going to some fancy / classy party. I had a big beautyful dress on, light blue – ala cinderella. Oh and my dream took place in the 18th century?
Well I arrive at this party, apparently with a date? Don’t really know who, didn’t now him…

Anyways…. The dream quickly escalated with me seeing ghosts/spirits and how all of these spirits died, falling down the stairs and so on… Actually just like you see in the cartoons, but not nearly as “funny” although i didn’t feel scared? Just curious, it was like it was up to me to help them find “the light”?  And we where all over, and at one point we’re riding in a horse-carrige, and I was influenced by a spirit and fell out and passed out on the ground, nothing happened to me other than the spirit wanted to show me how it died. All of this just continued? Im up on addeck and here i had another “experience”.
It was just like a puzzle where it was me who needed to get everything back in order..

It was a surrealistick dream, I wouldn’t call it a nightmare cause I didn’t feel scared in it, just eager to find the reason for why all of the spirits showed them self to me?

Am i the only one with all of these vivid and realistic Dreams?

Xoxo
Vics 💋 (the spirit talker 👻)

I AM WOMAN

Found this on my instagram and wanted to share it with you all! Dont ever forget how strong you are, no matter what you WILL get through what ever it is you’re struggeling with!

Made a big life decision

So it’s been a quite a few days since last, I’ve been sick! Happy f*ing easter to me right! But i am up and about again…. At last!

Anyways…. As you know I have been joggeling with the thought of finding my own place. Really been thinking back and forward and talking to friends about it…. Guess what!? I Signed up for an appartement! And honestly now that I have made that decision I can’t even wait to get my own space. It was like as the hardest part of it was the signing up part? But as soon as that was done I was happy with it… Sometimes you just need to take the jump I guess and JUST DO IT! If everything goes wrong and it’s too Much(not that I think it will) I can just move back home, since i’m only renting, but it’s a good start…

I’m so exited! It’s only 10 min from my moms, so if anything happens she can be there in a jiffy! But aaah! I’m all ready looking at furnitures, what kind of colors I want and how I will decorate! Oh wait! The best part of it all is… Are you ready? I’ll might actually get a walk-in-closet! And I NEED the space, my room is basicly overflowing with all of my clothes, I have absolutely no space left in my closet! So please dear appartement renting gods, let me get one soooooon!

All for now, happy thoughts to all ♥

Xoxo
Vics 💋

I need some advice

I’ve been walking around thinking…. Thinking about my current living situation. I’m 24 turning 25 later this year and i’m still living at home with my mom and it has been a huge help for me these past couple of years. But now i’m wondering is it time to moved out on my own? Am i ready?

The thought of having my own place is both terrifying and promising at the same time. Currently thinking that it will help me move forward and become stronger as a person, having my own place and learn how to be on my own – would it be a help? Honestly… I feel that it might be, that I would gain some confidence cause I would find out that I am able to live on my own?

Then what if I get my own place and it wont get better? What if it gets worse again? What if i sink down the dark hole again? And I dont know how to say it and talk to my mom about the fact that I think that, that is what I might need to do to grow…

What should I do?

Xoxo
Vics 💋

Like a rollercoaster

It’s funny how fast things chance….
Earlier today, as you can read in my previous blog, I felt happy and now…. Im feeling anxious, my heart pounds, my mind is wanderin….

Now I just feel like I need to keep busy to avoid this? Im afraid of, if I dont do anything that I will fall? Fall back in to the dark hole I ealier felt like was finally getting out of?

I still do look forward to going to work on monday… And I know it’s a healthy distraction, but for how long do I need to distract my self?

My ord self was more than cabable to just sit down and relax without my mind going in every direction…. 

This is the time, it’s now that I need to try and find that feeling of feeling proud that I felt just a few hours ago…. But when you are in this place it’s so damn hard to go back to, back to the positive way of thinking – I HATE HOW IT GOES UP, DOWN AND JUST EVERYWHERE! Anxiety sucks! Hate feeling low like this!

Im trying to distract my self by zapping around the tv, but there’s nothing on that catches my attention, I could turn on a movie if it wasn’t only cliché chick flicks that I have, which wouldn’t help on the situation?

When I feel like this I have the tendency to look back, look back at who I once was, when anxiety wasn’t a part of my life! I miss it! I miss how simple life was back then… I know you shouldn’t look back, only look forward and I am trying to do so… Trying to tell my self that life will be that simple again, I mean.. Wont it?

Xoxo, for the second time today
Vics 💋

Feeling proud

Now that it is the weekend and i have a chance to reflect over this last week, well actually these last two weeks I feel proud of my self and what I have acomplished!

Before when I felt the slightest feeling of anxiety I would pass up and call in sick from work… But I haven’t once called in sick these last two weeks eventhough I have felt anxious I still went and actually when I got there and started working my anxiety vanished – just need to remember this everytime I start feeling like that, have to remember the feeling of my success and feeling proud and I actually think that not passing and stil go, have given me a bit more confidence – which I still need in huge doses!

It’s only Saturday and right now…. I’m looking forward going to work on monday and haven’t had that feeling in I don’t know how long! Guess what?! It’s amazing feeling like that!
Love the fact that I have found something again that makes me feel like that, makes me happy and god knows I need it!
Now I just need to figure out what to do tomorrow so that the day will pass and I can go to work on monday!

Hope you all are well, happy and enjoying the weekend! 

Love
Vics 💋